| Take Me Away |
[Jul. 1st, 2006|12:16 am] |
| [ | On The Jukebox? |
| | "Noise Of A Lifetime" - Haven't Talked Since | ] |
I listened to this song about fifteen times straight today. It's about the only thing I had that could calm me back down from the almost-breakdown I was going through at work.
I don't know what the problem was. It's not that we were abnormally busy, as I had about 40 transactions under my belt at close. It wasn't that we were understaffed, as--technically--we're only supposed to have two people working at a time most days. No, I think it was just the accumulation of too many things converging in one focused area.
I knew I was going to have issues today when Jim announced that he scheduled his day to be on the road. Not normally a problem, but he set up a lunch meeting so he could go watch the fucking World Cup game at noon or whenever. Then he set himself up to be out for the weekend in time to catch the other World Cup game this afternoon. These things piss me off, but if he can do them without fucking anything up, I say let it go.
Keywords: without fucking anything up.
Bill and I were balls-out busy all morning. And I mean that. We didn't stop for a good solid four hours or so. In the middle of this raging sea of customer service, I had to track down all sorts of stuff for the afternoon from other stores. Which meant Richard was getting pissed at me because I wouldn't let the RSC sit on their asses all day on a Friday. That added friction to the mix.
Then came the wallpaper questions.
Then came the complaints.
And then came the comment.
I don't know why this caused such a problem with me, but Dorfman made a quick one-liner (with good intention behind it) about how I sucked with the pallet-jack, and I just snapped. I walked out of the back room, and just went in the office.
I'm stressed about bills. I'm stressed about potentially having to move back in with my mom (which means leaving the life I've built down here). I'm stressed about being single, and not having anybody by my side. I'm stressed about how much of my life is wasted not doing anything with my time to make it worth remembering. It had been a long day, and I really just wanted to curl in a ball and die. My arms hurt, my right leg is killing me to stand on, and my back is constantly hurting. That one, single comment just happened to be the feather that fell on top of the weight which finally broke my spirits.
As I was just telling Megan, I really felt like a hug was in order. Not from Jim or the rest of the guys. Just a hug from somebody I consider better than just an accquaintance. That could have turned it around instantly. Instead, I wound up feeling sick all afternoon and almost--almost--leaving work early. I had to backtrack to help a customer around 8.30 or so, but other than that the evening was fairly uneventful.
And now we'll see if I can get through all this bullshit to get some rest for another day tomorrow. A new day, filled with the chance to make it both not suck and make it count. |
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| If I Can Just Fall Asleep Tonight |
[Jun. 27th, 2006|12:14 am] |
| [ | On The Jukebox? |
| | "In My Mind" - SR71 | ] |
Last night made my week.
I started talking with Tiffy about hanging out, and we made plans to meet to catch a movie and a bite to eat in Sanford. I busted my ass (and almost killed myself in the process) to get to Sanford on time (for which I was just a few minutes late because I suck with directions), and when we hit the theater our movie was full.
Fuckage.
So we decided to just go to Pizza Hut, which was merely a hop, skip, and a jump across the parking lot. We got there around 7.30 or so, and just started talking about everything and anything. For those of you who have been long-time associates, you may remember me having a similar experience with Lacey back in March last year. Which is somewhat worrysome.
As much fun as I had both times, I'm worried they're both going to go the same way. I mean, I can be comfortable as just friends if that's what it boils down to (I've come a long way since last spring as a person), but I just feel at ease around her. Maybe I'm confusing the type of connection friends have with the type of connection a couple might have, but there's something there.
Like I said, I think I can function within the bounds of reality on this one. But it would be great to have that chance to move forward with her. We'll see how things pan out... |
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| I Bite My Fingernails Until It Hurts No More To Dig You Out |
[Jun. 24th, 2006|12:13 am] |
| [ | On The Jukebox? |
| | "Sydney" - Halifax | ] |
Ugh...fucked up already, and it's not even Sunday.
I had the fullest intentions to go to Anti-Prom today, and then I got cockslapped with an onslaught of bills and collection calls this morning. So the $75 I was going to blow on getting to Jay, buying slippers for the show, and getting through the doors is gone. Which means I didn't get to hang out with Tiffy. Which sorta sucks balls. But we'll be talking about some potential work in the immediate future soon enough.
Deciding to be mature about all this, I went grocery shopping for the week. We'll see if I can live on $40 or so for seven days in foodstuffs. We shall see indeed.
And I've been looping the songs from that soundtrack post earlier all day while hauling ass on Sword of Mana and Mario 64 DS. Both of which I'm sinking some serious time into. I don't know what would happen if I broke my hands somehow--I'd go nuts not being able to play games. |
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| Yay For Me, Luigi! |
[Jun. 23rd, 2006|10:29 am] |
For once, the libra aspect of my life shows itself.
I got my paycheck today, and it turns out I had worked some overtime. Which was good, because I overdrafted my checking account last week. Most of the OT disappeared, but I'm breaking right about even, which I can handle.
I sat down and beat NSMB again. Now I'm going back through to try and find all the coins and secret levels in it. I have to say, I'm super-glad I unloaded the iPod and picked this thing up--much better trade for a person like me. In fact, my only complaint is that the GBA cartridge port has two ridges on the back of it that prevent older games from fitting into it. This can, of course, be resolved with a file or some sanding to the older cartridges' edges, but I'm not sure I'm willing to make that sacrifice yet. Besides, I still have my GBASP to play old-sk00l Tetris and whatnot on anyway.
We'll see what happens... |
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| I Just Need Time |
[Jun. 21st, 2006|12:29 am] |
| [ | On The Jukebox? |
| | "Down On My Head" - Yellowcard | ] |
There's been so much turnover in the past few days of my life, it's a miracle I haven't posted any real comprehensive blogs about it. Regardless, here we go...
I solved my money problem by returning my iPod to Wal*Mart and getting a full refund. Instead of using that money responsibly, I blew most of it on a Nintendo DS and a copy of as a bonus for myself. Still had some left over, and I'm so glad I made the switch. New Super Mario Bros. NSMB is fucking awesome! Get it!
On the lesser end of the good spectrum, my dog is no longer. My parents had her put down this morning, as she was incapable of getting out of her bed or even eating. While I'm glad that she's not suffering anymore, I still miss the shit out of her. Rest in peace, Bash. Rest in peace.
As far as good things go, Traci is officially my new waitress. Officially. I'll divulge more when I'm not uber-tired. |
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| You Watch Me Fall Like New York In An Earthquake |
[Jun. 18th, 2006|12:27 am] |
| [ | On The Jukebox? |
| | "Angela Baker, And My Obsession With Fire" - Senses Fail | ] |
I'm dirt-fucking-broke. If I've loaned you money in the past, or I've helped you out when you were low on the greenbacks, now would be a bitchin' good time to repay the favor.
Aside from that, I got to hang out at work all day by myself. Six and a half hours of pay, just for sitting in the air conditioned store, and helping seven people. Not a bad way to spend the day. Went to dinner with Todd at Applebee's, and then came home.
The blond boy wonder and I then proceeded to have a Nerf war in the basement while talking to Mom on the phone. Maybe this whole "Todd living at the Shanty with Dover" thing isn't going to be too bad after all. |
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| What Do I Have To Say To You To Make You Fall Apart And Cry Tonight? |
[Jun. 16th, 2006|09:41 pm] |
| [ | On The Jukebox? |
| | "This Is Not Your Typical Love Story" - Haven't Talked Since | ] |
I'm getting all melancholy again. Just like I do everytime I have a long stretch without time off. I would have normally had today and tomorrow off, but I'm getting hosed at work. I guess the only cool thing to come of it is that I have a sure-fire weekend off for Anti-Prom up in Jay. Which is the show I had the bulletin posted for.
I'm still looking for a posse to ride with. Get in touch with me if you're interested.
Meantime, I'm going to continue plugging away at this dreary existance called "work" before me. |
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| Holy Hell...How The Times Have Changed |
[Jun. 15th, 2006|08:58 pm] |
In an act of boredom, I decided to start skimming my old blog entries on my LiveJournal account (username: wreckaburnsyou). This was the very first one in there, dated in June of 2004...
Shedding Parts
My whole world is coming unraveled around me. My friends are bickering amongst themselves, my parents are fighting and threatening divorce, school is falling apart, and the one person I can usually turn to is in VA--almost eight hours away.
There are some days I wish I could just curl up in a ball and die. Then there are others where I just want to hurt people. Today's a pain day.
My week has been hellish. Up all night, a couple of hours of sleep in the morning, then off to class. Repeated for the whole week. Then off to work Friday for eleven hours. Come home, spend the last day I'll have with my girlfriend for a week trying to balance shit that my friends have done to her with her being sick. Sunday we go to Six Flags, have a great time, get lost on the way back, come home, sleep, and I go to let my mom know I'm at the house and fine...and she tells me what an asshat my dad is being. It's not fair to her, and when she started crying, I wanted to track him down and wreck him.
I should have known Suday was a fluke...I should have just stayed home and been miserable. Maybe then this news wouldn't be so bad; more like status quo. On top of that, I think I've caught strep from my girlfriend, and I can't afford the antibiotics for it now.
Did I mention I love summer?
Flash forward one year to June of 2005...
Heal
Why can't I heal?
Why is it all I feel
Is the pain that is real?
Why can't I heal?
Yeah, you left that smoldering hole in my chest.
You thought I'd outlived my usefulness.
So why
Am I
Alive?
Fueled only by the fury's caress.
Why can't I heal?
Why is it all I feel
Is the pain that is real?
Why can't I heal?
No, you're no better than anyone else you meet.
Take that with you while you're working the streets.
Bastard
Going faster
Towards disaster.
I will never ever be complete.
Why can't I heal?
Why is it all I feel
Is the pain that is real?
Why can't I heal?
My world goes up in flames...
Down in a blaze of glory...
Like a school-shooting star...
Yeah, that's my story...
So tell me
Why can't I heal?
Why is it all I feel
Is the pain that is real?
Why can't I heal?
My inner emo-kid still shows through, entering my third year of blogging. So much for being cool...
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| Why Have I Been Here So Long? |
[Jun. 15th, 2006|08:24 pm] |
| [ | On The Jukebox? |
| | "City of Devils" - Yellowcard | ] |
This is the first really relaxing song I've listened to in a few days, and I'm really glad I happened to catch it. Ferrealz, yo.
The past few days at work have been nothing but stressful. I've been busting ass on weird and/or long shifts, and today was no exception. I did a total of about eight matches on the spot for customers. Dammit, I think I did a pretty good job showing why I'm worth the extra cash in my store.
Also of note, I have about $24 to live on until next Friday. Normally this wouldn't be a bad thing, but I am super-strapped for cash due to excessive bills that are due. Which is making my budgeting tricky. I've managed to find a reasonably cheap lunch product (a box of thai noodles and sauce for about $2), but it's going to get awfully tight between that and gas.
I don't know how it's going to shake down, but I don't see me doing much other than hanging around online and cleaning. And guess what? I'm not a big fan of one of those. |
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| I Can See You On Saturday Night |
[Jun. 12th, 2006|12:23 am] |
| [ | On The Jukebox? |
| | "Saturday Nights & Car Rides" - Haven't Talked Since | ] |
For the record, these guys just played their last garage gig before hitting the Warped Tour. And they are pretty fucking good, too. In fact, between this team and Radiation Year, I'd say the drive up was worth it for the show. I paid $7 for a CD, and I have a feeling like these guys are going places once they get some exposure.
TJ and I piled into the Lumina for a ride up to Limerick to catch these guys, and I got to hang out with Tiffy for a bit. Something tells me I'm going to be making a bit more effort to hang out with her in the coming weeks. I'm also going to approach her about hooking us up with a halfway decent band for a party this summer. Nothing huge, but still a good time, y'know?
We shall see. In the meantime, check those two bands (both of whom are on my friends list). |
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| Nothing Seemed To Change |
[Jun. 10th, 2006|12:22 am] |
| [ | On The Jukebox? |
| | "The Kill" - 30 Seconds To Mars | ] |
I really had some time to sit down and think about the lyrics to the song on my profile ("The Kill" - 30 Seconds To Mars"), and I've decided that this song is the official anthem of my whole life. At first I just thought it sounded cool, but the more I dwell on it I see why it resonates is a much deeper meaning.
Life in Dover (as Dover) has not been great as of late. I've been busting my ass at work, and I don't really have a whole lot of play money to help me relax at the end of the day. In fact, after paying out my bills, I have none. It's rather pathetic to know that a 20-year-old male that grosses over $21,000 annually can barely afford to go to the movies by himself without shorting himself financially.
As far as good things I've got going, here's the list:
» Going to a party tomorrow night which is being hosted by a girl I'm interested in
» Penpal Jackie (PJ) and I are getting a pretty solid dialogue going
Honestly, that's about if I have going for me that's out-of-the-norm. We'll see how things go. Who knows? Maybe I'll even find a buyer for my iPod... |
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| Who Do You Think You Are? (Bless Your Soul) |
[Jun. 9th, 2006|12:21 am] |
| [ | On The Jukebox? |
| | "Crazy" - Gnarls Barkley | ] |
Pour me a fucking shot, bartender. It's been one of those days, and I'm ready for one of those drinks to block out one of those headaches.
Today wasn't really a hard day, but there was a lot of red-tape bullshit that I had to deal with. Between the credit office at work, and paying bills at home, I've had about all I can deal with when it comes to money. My mom was the icing on the goddamned knife through the head today. She called just to let me know that I spend like Paris Hilton and that I need to grow up.
I don't have any fucking money to spend. I did my budget out, and I get about $25 worth of play money a week. And that's with nothing going into the bank. This number also doesn't include my gym membership, my Rhapsody subscription, or any of the other random expenses I have (like getting a haircut, for instance). She freeloads off my dad, just like she's been doing for the last 25 years of her life, and drives an SUV that costs more than my whole fucking student loan disaster totals out at.
I don't expect to be getting an economics lesson from somebody who makes her living threatening to divorce my dad, and take him for every cent he's worth. As far as I'm concerned, the next expense on my ledger should be purchasing her a travel mug from Dunkin' Donuts and filling it with a serving of their gourmet SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Still busting ass to pick up the slack since Jim's been out. Sort of wearing thin again, but I think I can get through it. I was hoping that the conversation I had with Vickers was going to help me unwind, but instead I find myself more fired up than I was before I called.
But that's another blog entry, and that's one you don't need to read. |
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| "JP ONRY" - Johnny & The Doverbots |
[Jun. 8th, 2006|11:20 pm] |
Boredom has just officially kicked in.
I just busted out a freestyle track about JP ONRY to "Saying Sorry" by Hawthorne Heights.
...
You see? This is why I drink heavily--because when I do stupid shit like this, nobody I run with is sober enough to recall it the next day. And, on a totally unrelated note, don't forget to support the cause.
Don't look at me all blank-like...
 |
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| Wore A Members Only Jacket, And Thought It Was Cool |
[Jun. 8th, 2006|08:03 pm] |
| [ | On The Jukebox? |
| | "Katrina" - Marvelous 3 | ] |
Yeah, that's right. I actually saw somebody wearing one today. And I had all I could do to keep from laughing my ass off at them. But he was probably 70 anyway, and is more than likely living under the premise that it is still 1987.
I hinted at some of the more interesting things that had happened yesterday in a quick little entry, which I intend to expand on here. Jim is out on sick leave; he hit his elbow on our copier, and has somehow triggered an infection that, if it keeps spreading, could take part of his arm from him.
What a stupid fucking way to lose an arm. "Hey, what happened to you?" "Eh, I got into a fight with a photocopier and it MEGAPWNT me because I'm a s00purn00b." Tool.
At any rate, this means that Adam and I get to suck up the extra hours [insert sarcastic happiness here] to cover for his lame-duck ass. I kicked it off by running a full 12-hour shift today, and we'll continue down this path for a few days until Lefty gets back on track. But this morning was definitely an adventure. We got slamdanced with customers, and then the shelf on the tinter broke. So we took the shelf off, and dumped a full gallon of purged colorant over on the floor (which I got to clean up while dealing with customers). After we cleared that out, I dismantled the shelf and fixed it, which is right around when things started going to shit with the RSC.
Dorfman was supposed to take care of some stuff for UNH and didn't, so I had to try to handle it. Wound up making a bazillion orders because nobody would give me any of the information I was asking for until I had finalized paperwork for something that was incomplete. Between that shit, the eight pallets of stock that showed up, and every backwards-fuckass customer on the planet coming in, it was a long day.
And it's only going to get better with the 30%-off-sale coming up.
Yesterday I started talking with a CollegePro painter from the Mass area. She's pretty cool, and she's into similar stuff (like, for instance, working with people who have special needs, etc.). There's no pressure though, which is cool. Because I stand no chance with her. Because I have no vagina.
I also started talking with another girl from Lowell that sounds like cool shit. I'll keep you guys posted on that (whether you like it or not) as things start happening.
As far as tonight is concerned, I put together that logo I posted on Ryan's page, and I just drank my last grape soda. Where's Suupaa when I need him with some gumbo? |
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| Tell Me How You Feel In Five Words Or Less |
[Jun. 7th, 2006|12:15 am] |
| [ | On The Jukebox? |
| | "Language Lessons" - Hawthorne Heights | ] |
My boss is an idiot, and I have befriended a lesbian painter. And a russian party girl from Mass. My room is clean, and everybody wants my money.
Yep, it gets no better. |
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| Strange Girl, All Dressed Up In Red |
[Jun. 6th, 2006|12:13 am] |
| [ | On The Jukebox? |
| | "Is It Alright?" - The Lovemakers | ] |
Today's just been one of those days that may as well have not happened. Just overall pointless.
I went to work, and hung out there for a few hours. Came home, and started calling around to see if anybody was interested in hanging out and grabbing a bite to eat.
I came up empty.
So I say to myself, fuck everybody, I'm still getting food or something to that extent. I hit the parking lot at Applebee's and start heading in, when I see three chicks in wife-beaters and berets (they were all about 7s or so on the scale, but the gear knocked 'em down to 6 or so apiece). At any rate, I head in and grab a table. The chick that winds up waiting on me has done so a few times before, and was really cool about just hanging out and saying hi. She's soon to become my new waitress officially at Applebee's.
So I head out, now filled with a chicken wrap, and go to Wal*Mart for a sandwich (for lunch tomorrow) and a half-gallon of milk (for chugging fun). Waltz around in there for a bit, and then decide to just go driving for a while.
I started driving around 9.15 or so. I got home at about 11.00 or so.
And now I'm here, drinking a grape soda because I've got nothing better to do. Fuck. I need to start meeting new people, since all the ones I like are leaving...
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| I Set My Clocks Early |
[Jun. 5th, 2006|12:11 am] |
| [ | On The Jukebox? |
| | "A Little Less 'Sixteen Candles'" - Fall Out Boy | ] |
I'm settled in at the Shanty again, I guess. Which means it's time for the aforementioned update. Dammit.
As you may or may not know, I decided to stay with SW. They met my requests, and overall I think this is going to work out better. I think I shot myself in the foot for the assistant job in Rochester, but at least I can afford to eat more than just toast again. And jam. Mmm...jam.
jaAm!!
For those of you who got that joke, bonus points. For those that didn't, shame. Moving on from there, I finished (or rather, thought I finished) the CDs for the wedding. Came up four labels short (fuckage!), so I'll have to print those out this week and send them home with Papa.
I headed up to ME Friday, and it rained the whole time I was there. I was kinda pissed, but whatever. Tried to catch up with Señor Crunktree whilst in the area, but ailment kept that from happening. Had to blow off an invite to party with the fabulous Ms. Steph while up there too, just so I could be sober for Todd's graduation.
Man, that was a fucking nightmare. The only two good parts were the following:
» Listening to "Hashpipe" on my iPod while the group marched in
» Leaving early
But surely I'm kidding, right? No, I'm not kidding. And don't call me Shirley. And yes, for those of you keeping score, points again to the crew that caught that one.
We wound up in the middle of Whitetrashistan in the gym. I was surrounded by people that could have easily been extras in The Ringer, or even The Hills Have Eyes. Needless to say, after they gave the boy his diploma, we slid outta there like a Crisco enema.
The party afterwards wasn't so bad, and I crashed at Ryan's that night. Beat Hook for the NES once, and went to bed. On my way back down here, I stopped in at PTC to see if anybody was around (which, go figure, was not to be had). Then I came down here, returned the board shorts I thought I would need for swimming to Old Navy, and picked up a pretty nice jacket for about $8.00 more.
I'm writing this, of course, after hitting the movies again. Tonight's film? M:I-3. If you're a fan of the series, see it. If you've got a fetish for Asians, see it. If the guy from the Radio Shack commercials (no, not Shaq) turns your crank, see it. But if you're not a fan, and you don't like loud noises, or the dude from Capote, skip it. Dover gives it a B.
And now I'm contemplating sleep. We shall see...
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| Dover: The Movie [clipped from Flinx] |
[Jun. 2nd, 2006|03:12 pm] |
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SOUNDTRACK TO YOUR LIFE
Put your music player on shuffle...and GO!
NO CHEATING!
Opening Credits: "Friends In Fall River" - Silverstein
Waking Up: "Breathing In Sequence" - Hawthorne Heights
Average Day: "Last Ride In" - Green Day
First Date: "Times Of Romance" - The Lovemakers
Falling In Love: "Crooked Teeth" - Death Cab For Cutie
Love Scene: "Send Me An Angel" - Paul Oakenfold
Fight Scene: "Cancel The Hearses" - Haven't Talked Since
Breaking Up: "Ohio Is For Lovers" - Hawthorne Heights
In Denial: "Can't Take It" - The All-American Rejects
Sadness: "Untitled" - Silverchair
Bitterness Stage: "No Way Out" - Theory Of A Dead Man
Getting Back Together: "In Your Eyes" - Peter Gabriel
Secret Love: "Saturday Nights & Car Rides" - Haven't Talked Since
Life's OK: "Sure Thing Falling" - Yellowcard
Mental Breakdown: "Broken-Handed (Superman)" - SR71
Schizo Moment: "American Death" - Senses Fail
Anxiety: "Shoot Me Again" - Metallica
Depression: "Everything Will Be Alright" - The Killers
Driving: "Bat Country" - Avenged Sevenfold
Learning A Lesson: "Give In" - The Bravery
Deep Thought: "Every Day Is Exactly The Same" - NIN
Flashback: "In My Mind" - SR71
Partying: "Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting)" - Nickelback
Happy Dance: "Touch The Sky" - Kanye West
Regretting: "Starless" - Crossfade
Long Night Alone: "Time Ago" - Black Lab
Death Scene: "Line In The Sand" - Motorhead
Closing Credits: "Clubbed To Death" - Rob Dougan |
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| I Know I've Seen My Share Of Things I Can't Repair |
[Jun. 2nd, 2006|12:09 am] |
| [ | On The Jukebox? |
| | "No Way Back" - Foo Fighters | ] |
I'm in ME right now, and I'm sort of weirded out. My dog is suffering, and she's suffering bad. She just fell down our backsteps for the second and third times in two days while trying to get back into the house after going out for a bit. She's breathing hard, and she's just overall not fairing well. It scares me that this is one of the most upsetting things I can remember from recent history, but that dog is closer to me than most of my friends and even family are. We'll see how things pan out from here. I'll post a full-on update when I get back to NH, including the work situation. |
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| Come, Break Me Down. Bury Me, Bury Me. |
[May. 29th, 2006|12:08 am] |
| [ | On The Jukebox? |
| | "The Kill" - 30 Seconds to Mars | ] |
I am finished with you.
Potentially.
Tomorrow, Jon and I have the discussion to end all career discussions in regards to his counter-offer. I'm scared shitless, honestly. I don't want to leave, but if I have to then I'm prepared to do so.
Wish me luck. |
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